school

School, I guess it is supposed to lead to a job? Im pretty confident that I will be able to get a job when I finish my studies, but I doubt that I really want to work with it. I had one of those future-talks with Antonia, she asked me what I want to work with when I decide to get myself a job. My answer felt as it was disappointing her, I want to work with kids, my first response was to work at a kindergarten. We talked about it, she sounded unhappy, when I told her that I would prefer to work as a school welfare officer or support handicaped/retarded kids in school she sounded proud. I am glad, I dont want her to look down on me because of my career choise, I want her to support me in whatever I decide to do and be happy about it. I dont see myself working with that anytime soon though, I want to finish my studies, even if I dont really want to work with computer networks I want to have something to fall back on incase things turn ugly.

School is kind of easymode right now, we pwnd the programming course, the Linux course should change name to Linux-em and math will work out fine. I passed the network exam. German, pff, ausgezeichnet. It is pretty relaxed now in school, I like that.

antonia, my valentine

My german little angel has been pretty ill lately, rashes, headache, itching and fever. She went to a doctor to get examined and they ran some bloodtests. Next day when she called there to hear about the results, the doctor were not available and the secretary said that the doctor wanted to speak to her personally about the result. This, ofcourse, freaked me out, whats wrong with her? We did, ofcourse, think of the worst possible and it didnt take long untill we were reading about aids on wikipedia, all the symptoms fitted, oh my god, we got aids! It fucked me up to realize, I cried and didnt know what to do. Antonia was pretty calm though, tried to calm me down, it didnt really work so she said she could call back and ask the secretary if it was something serious, I told her to please do and I am glad I did, because we found out she didnt have aids, it was just chickenpox, hurray for that!



Antonia is really damn talented! She is incredible with Photoshop, she sings very well and she speaks perfect English, she learn things quickly, her blowjobs are amazing (haha), she draws very well (see above, click for a bigger view), do well in school AND speaks Swedish after only a few hours practise! It started a few days ago, I started to teach her some random sentences and words, how to count and to ask things. She started to ask alot about the grammar, why and how, I described as good as I could and she really got it into her head! Really amazing girl Im telling you, I am so proud of her. She struggled with some pronunciation but always learned in the end, It makes me so happy and proud to hear her speak Swedish, its very cute.
As a valentines day present she wrote me a letter and read it for me, it was in Swedish. I was so proud, she used many words I didnt teach her, she didnt do it perfect but she did it damn well! Aww, it was so incredibly cute. I asked her if I could show it to others and she didnt mind, so here you are, enjoy!

"På senaste tiden tänker jag på dig mycket. Jag tänker på dina ögon og dina händer på min hud, dina armband og den doften av dit hår. Jag tänker på din förförisk röst og att jag mår härlig när vi talar med varandra og hur du lugnar ner mig. Jag känna mig säker när du er med mig. Jag tänker på den lägenhet, som vi skå bo i, den bil, som jag skå köra dig i till affären. Jag tänker på solskenet , som skå väcka oss.

Jag har enorma känslor för dig...
Jag vet, att du älskar mig...
Jag mår fantastiskt runt dig...
Jag känna mig säker med dig...
Jag vill leva mit liv med dig...

Du er den mest fantastiska mannen, jag någonsin träffat. Sexet med dig er sagolikt og mit liv er bättre än någonsin.

Jag älskar dig"

To everyone who understands, isnt that fucking cute!? Aww! Te amo Antonia :)
We have had some really good nights lately, talking about life and important people. I am gona read for her in English, Silmarillion if I can manage, if not, Harry Potter, and when she comes to Sweden at easter we are gona read Pippi Långstrump (in swedish) together, I am really looking forward to that.
Things has not only been wonderfull though, CA-Guy is back in the picture and brings my extreme jealousy to the surface. I am getting more and more jealous, I wish (and kind of thought) that it was the total opposit, but no, sometimes I wait for her for some hours because I know she will come online when she get home, then when she finally comes online and she dont have time to talk I can get really moody, I hate it, I dont expect her to have time to talk to me all the time, so why do I get jealous and msd when we cant talk? I have been kind of unstable lately I guess, all the wonderfull and great things has been run over by disasters. Disasters such as missunderstandings, CA-guy, fear of losing Elias, economic crisis, having aids and being afraid of losing Antonia.

gaming

Some time ago I went upstairs to join fyrk0's little LAN, we played Quake3 and some Counter-Strike, it was some weird old version of Quake and I totally suck at Counter-Strike so it wasnt that fun really, but I had a good time anyway, spending some time with fyrk0 and his friends. To not like the same kind of games is a curse when it comes to LANs.
The only game I played lately is Quake3, almost only with Ias, and it is getting more and more fun for each round, its getting more even, he has become really skilled with the railgun and swaps weapons very quickly to gain advantage in CQC. I guess it wont take long untill he wins every round, he has improved alot lately while it feels like im standing still, not making any progress.

I have realized that I am not as videogame geeky as I thought I was (and wish I was). I dont even enjoy playing the games I consider great, Im not tempted at all to play Final Fantasy X2, XII, XIII, MGS3, MGS4, RE4, ICO, KH2, even though I know the games are great! I get bored with singleplayer games nowadays, I need a game that takes around 20 minutes to play, if I know I need to spend alot more than that I dont feel like it. Quake 3 is perfect, a round is 10 minutes, sometimes you even have energy for two rounds! Dota was great, but now not even that attracts me. I wish I had the will and patiance to play all the great singleplayer games out there, but I just dont want to. I cant really relax and enjoy a videogame anymore, I have become way to addicted to my PC, I need to have the oppertunity to run the game in Windowmode or ALT-tab to do other things while I play. I guess I could sit and play a videogame while I sit at the PC, but not even that works for me, cant really say why. I am sick of videogames. Aint I a gamer? Uuugh, scary thought. I guess I am, I just like different kind of games now than I did some years ago. I would like to start playing Starcraft again, I want to be good at it. I dont enjoy anything else than multiplayer games atm.

split personality

Lately I have been thinking about various way your life can turn out if you are suffering from split personality. I can think of some really sad scenarios.. Damn.

watching

The last few days I have seen and downloaded alot of movies and series. I started to watch the serie Freaks and Geeks with fyrk0 at that LAN, I have watched some movies with Ias, I have continued to watch some series that I am following, Lost and Prison Break. Prison Break has lost alot of what made the serie good, Lost on the other hand made a positive turn and is now really exciting again!

ending up on the train

Ias were here some days ago, we watched stuff, ate and talked alot. When it was time for him go to the trainstation I walked with him to finish our current conversation, some minutes later I sat on the train with him, still talking and talking, then I ended up at his place, we kept talking and watch stuff and I had a really wonderfull time, it was way to long ago I spent time with Ias like that, thanks Ias, it was great.

maria

My hot cousin is here now, playing SSX at PS2 and totally owns, I am alittle proud of her. fyrk0 made some food for us and we are having a good time :)

elias

He is sitting!